hmmm...  Am SO tired... fell asleep on top of the keyboard just now, but woke up pretty soon. Good thing no one came into the office - would have looked pretty weird... I have gone through so much coffee this night... can't really remember last time i drank that amount of coffee... My entire tube is gone, and I have started to dig into my friends instant coffee as well... oh well, no one said uni should be easy (well, that's not entirely true tho... I said that uni should be easy, and for the most part it is...) The sun is up now, and everyone has come to work. Strange now to think that I was here the entire night... in the dark. Well, my eyes and my caffeine level tells me that it did really happen, but somehow it seems unreal now...

I was reading some of the other blogs here, and i started thinking about what it is we r really doing here. We r more or less publishing our diarys on the net. Is it the fact that it will be strangers who read it, or don't we ever get really personal and messy in our entries? I read this girls blog, and she was quite worried and frustrated about her boyfriend... would she think it would be alright if he read it, or is her blog just for strangers? If it is for friends as well (which I believe mine will be), I will also monitor what I am writing. If i knew that none of my friends would ever stumble over this blog i reckon i would have allowed my self to be more personal and free in my entries (not to mentioning complaining about friends as well... ). Anyway, i do find it strange that we r able to be more personal in the eyes of totally strangers than we would in front of our friends, even tho i know it's very typical, and it's because we can mask us with anonymousity...

these blogs that keep popping up around the net also witness of great vanity... Have we become a world full of reality-tv personalities. Where everyone wants to publish their life, so everyone can make sure that no one else is really having more fun or doing anything more intresting than them? Why do we have this urge to tell the world about our life? Of all the blogs i've read, i must say that i find very few interesting... (ok, i am aware that others may find my blog totally lame as well... don't worry, i include my self in this ). The one part is the urge to tell others about our life, on the other hand, why r people so interested in knowing about someone elses life? Is it a hope that if i read enoug blogs, i will be able to reassure my self that i am perfectly normal... or maybe a bit interesting? i must admit that some blogs r very interesting - mostly the ones who had something to say, and did not use their blog as just another diary... 'today i went to the shop, then i met a friend, we had coffee...' Do people really think their life is so intresting that others should know about it?

On the other hand, one should maybe just disregard everything i write now, as i think the lsat braincell which is awake is totally hyper on caffeine, and probably jumping around and doing things i don't really want to know about...

A friend of mine just sent me a txt asking me if I was on msn... I wasn't, which I guess he realised if he was there, but given that I didn't have any credits left on my phone I couldn't txt him back and tell him. I sent him an e-mail telling him I was online, but he never replyed... See, so wasted... I often wondered how life was before mobiles... I can vaguely remember living without one, but it seems like a rather unlikely existence, so I don't think it's true... maybe it was just a bad dream? I still haven't done everything I should tho... mostly because I tried to hunt down a site which allowed me to send free sms. I did find heaps, but there is always something wrong with them, and in the end I gave up. He has probably gone home now anyway, and is sitting at home having dinner with his girlfriend, annoyingly unaware that his txt sent me into a internet frenzy, which has left me frustrated and even more tired...

My eyes don't really work now. They feel like someone has poured sand in them - gritty... But, even tho it's a bit scary to go to the bathroom in the dark, and I have so much to do, I do like sitting up during the night in front of the computer. Somehow I feel really productive, and dedicated (the little fact that I am not productive and dedicated at all just passes me by...). And it feels kind of nice to be up when everyone is asleep. I feel like I have the world for my self... It's all dark outside, and it's really quiet, and the air is cold and crisp... Somewhere, I can hear cars driving, but here, here I am all alone. On a little quiet island in this big noisy world (ok, I will have to admit that there are a couple of rather annoying ghosts sharing this island with me, but since I can't see them, I will disregard them). I am pondering about all the others which are awake now, sitting on their little islands of light. Somewhere out there... There will be other windows with light, other people sitting infront of their computer, having a break from whatever they are doing, looking out of the window, and feel a pleasant calmness...

Sometimes I think I forget to just be... It's too easy to neglect during daytime. Most of the times I am too busy doing something, or if I aren't doing anything, very often I will then be too busy NOT doing something... I should just be more. Nighttimes shouldn't be wasted with sleep or work, nightimes should be used to procrastibate, to think, to be, to stare...

Ok, it's 2.15am now, and my head starts to feel really heavy... This is the time when solitare and staring vacantly out in space feels really rewarding and interesting. I have still a mountain to do before I can call it a day (or night). This is a bit backward really... I can't go home untill I have done what I came here to do, but the longer I am here, the harder it gets to do what I came here to do... Vicious circle !!!

It's feels a bit odd to sit all alone at uni a sunday night. The lights went out in the hallway 2 hours ago, and it's a bit scary to go to the bathroom in the dark. Sometimes I think I can hear footsteps, and doors closing, and the sound of keys jingeling. I wonder if there are any ghosts at this university... either ghosts or overactive security-guys... I am kind of hoping for ghosts tho... I reckon it will be easier explaining to the ghosts why I am here in the middle of the night... Ghosts are usually easy like that... they just hang around, and don't really ask for much of an explaination why u hang around as well.

Well, then I am back in front at the computer at the date lab at 7th floor at uni... preparing myself for a long day, and an even longer night here . I have brought my cd's, sweater, 50 fags, half chicken, bread, cruscits, roastbeef, microwave-food, and water... at least i won't starve... oh yeah, i have also brought this really kewl thing. Or at least i think it's really kewl... it's coffee with milk and sugar in a tube. You just squeeze some into a cup, then u add boiling water, and voila - instant coffee w sugar and milk...

The other day i thought about how many totally useless things that have been invented, or things that are created to make our life easier in one way or another... just like my fab instant coffe with milk and sugar in a tube. Take for instant my calculator... when i bought it, i was going to start studying physics and chemistry at uni, so i convinced my self that i needed this really expensive and ultra-functional calculator. when i came home with it, i relished in reading the user-manual, delighted over all the things this calculator could do, and eager to start to learn how i could operate it properly... but, somehow along the way i never did take the time to learn how to operate it. Of course, i learnt how to do all the basic things, but the extras i never seemed to have the time to learn. For God's sake, i could make small animations on that calculator... which was REALLY kewl for about a week... No, that's wrong... it's still really kewl, and i luv to tell ppl that I can make small animations on it, and ppl tend to oooh and aaah a lot when i do tell them. But, even tho it's really kewl, when do i ever NEED to make small animations on my calculator... actually, when do i ever need to make small animations, questionmark. Ok, back on track again... i don't study physics and chemistry anymore, and i still haven't experienced one incident that i felt i really needed to make small animations... i know my calculator can do probably a zillion things i don't know about. It could probably make coffee and run a bath if i only could figure out how... but, i don't really try to figure out these things either... i am happy that i know it can do these things, and content with not having to find out how...